Doug Weiss Heart to Heart Counseling Center HORRIBLE!

computerI received this e-mail from a woman who attended the Doug Weiss Heart To Heart Counseling Center. She said the experience was horrible! Here’s what she had to say about that experience.

Doug Weiss. HORRIBLE!!
1. When I stated that I was so devastated that I did not want to have sex with my husband, he (Doug Weiss) told me that if I didn’t have sex with my husband that I would lose him (I guess non emotional and objectifying sex is ok with him).

2. He told my husband that I would not leave him because I would not give up my “life style”.

3. When I told him that my physician husband continued to touch and exam fully naked women and that triggered me, he stated ” then just don’t be in the room when he does that! (as if that makes it ok).

4. When I suggested that my husband give up doing procedures that involved him staring at and touching fully naked women all day long, he stated ” You can’t ask him to change his career, it’s like asking him to change his eye color!) What? We are born with our eye color, however, we are not born with our careers! We can change our careers at any given time, but not our eye color! Besides, I wasn’t asking him to change his career, I was asking him to not do procedures, which triggered me and triggered my husband.! As if its ok for an alcoholic to work as a bartender!!!

5. He told me that I suffered from intimacy anorexia not reactive intimacy anorexia. He said I had full blown intimacy anorexia because I did not want to have objectifying sex with my husband after I found out that he had unprotected sex with over 1500 different prostitutes, my sister, his patients, gym members, nurses, cleaning crew, drug reps etc….and did nothing to rectify the marriage and continued to lie lie and lie.

Really?

She goes on to say:

I just posted a comment about Doug Weiss, however I was wondering if you were aware of any clause his paperwork (that I did not pay attention to when I went to see him) stating that you cannot say anything negative about him? I know a great deal of therapists and women who had negative experiences with him, however I can’t find their comments anywhere. I know that when I asked him for my polygraph questions that he used in office, he refused claiming my questions were his property and that if I tried to get them from him that he would have a lawyer contact me. What?? Really??

I know he is lawyer-ed up and wondered if maybe I should not post that comment although I feel partners have the right to know about how I was treated.

I answered that I did not know if Doug Weiss had such a clause in his contract but if she tried to post a comment on his site or his facebook page that he has the authority and the right to monitor comments and choose which ones are allowed.

She also wrote:

There were women in his waiting room in complete shock telling me “He doesn’t get it”.

When I called to schedule my intensive I specifically told his wife what I wanted to work on during my intensive. However, when I got there they put us through his assembly line (what I call it when you have couples going from station to station doing the same thing).

To have spent all of that money just to have him not listen to me and tell those things (that I mentioned above) traumatized me even more. When I pointed out that Barbara Steffens states in her book that I have every right to ask for things that make me safe, his response was, ‘Well, I don’t agree with everything these authors write!”. He’s a complete fraud!!

This woman’s description of what happened to her is typical of the lack of acknowledgment of the partner’s trauma and the victim shaming that occurs in many of the sex addiction treatment centers.

Partners are told to ‘trust’ their husbands or partners even in light of years, sometimes decades of lying and deception. They are told to have sex with these men, potentially exposing them to STDs. They are told to not ask questions about the sexual behaviors as it might ‘shame’ the sex addict. Partners are told to ‘own’ their part of the problem, seek therapy and attend 12 step programs and they are told that any monitoring of the sex addict’s activities is proof of the partner’s ‘sickness’.

In my opinion sex addiction therapy and rehab programs do nothing more than enable the sex addict by giving him an excuse for his behavior (my addiction made me do it), give only lip service to accountability and gives them a sense of entitlement that is often used against their partners.

As I have said so many times here and on my other sites; this thing we call sex addiction is not an illness in itself but a trait or symptom of a personality disorder or other mental illness and should be treated professionally as such. Bogus treatment centers, 12 step groups and sex addiction therapy do nothing to fix this problem.

1 Comment
  1. E Dorlee Collins 2 months ago

    JoAnn,

    I believe I began with your program maybe in 2007?

    My story and experience with Dr. Doug Weiss left me further traumatized and took me awhile to figure out exactly what had actually happened to me. Dating since 2003, married 2004 and for religious reasons, we did not live together before we were married though we were in our late 40’s. I owned my home. We sold mine and kept his.

    We began marital counseling 6 months after we were married. He was diagnosed by the Ph.D. counselor of our same faith. We continued to see her sometimes twice a week together and individually from 08/2004-01/2014. TEN YEARS of formal counseling, church counseling, and secrecy on my part. I allowed myself to be labeled emotionally and mentally unstable to protect him because of the stigma of sexual addiction.

    Trusting the professionals with sex-addiction caused me to stay. My husband was diagnosed with sexual anorexia. I was neglected in all ways, destroyed in all ways we all share. I’ll never recover from the extent of the 15 years of abuse.

    He assaulted me over and over. He is a compulsive masturbator to porn and sexualizes girls and women in public until I quit going in public with him. He has drilled holes in the walls and floors of our home to watch my niece and her husband in bed, on and on. I have trouble even saying all of this out loud.

    I’m going to skip the details and go right to my experience with Heart to Heart. (I sent them emails with no response. I may attempt it again).

    Our counselor had warned me that his addiction and denial ran so deep he could pass a lie detector test.
    PASS A LIE DETECTOR TEST! He has a Job Corp GED. I thought it was not possible. HE DID IT!

    She said if he did, it would make things much worse. I consulted with another professional online and they said the same thing. I could not believe that would be possible because the sexual things he had disclosed himself. I wasn’t allowed to know the details. Only what I was exposed to, what he did to family members, in public and to me privately.

    I was working in a professional position, I was the caregiver for my sister who past of cancer. He physically attacked me a month later 02/2008. I learned later that he would go to the police first so when I talked to them he had already prepped them I was crazy. Nothing happened but I had to have facial sinus surgery 07/2008 to remove scar tissue from the injury.

    I moved from the marital home when it happened. We continued as husband and wife and few knew I didn’t live in the marital home again.

    The next disabling incident happened in 09/2010-I believe perpetrated by his fury over going to H2H in 03/2010.
    Again, unable to prosecute him or protect me. I became disabled and remain disabled from that incident. I can’t work and had to drop out of my scholarship funded Master’s program.
    In 03/2010 I paid $4000 cash for a Couple’s Intensive weekend. I’d spent over $1000 on H2H DVD’s and book 12/2009.

    My husband agreed to go to H2H but I had to ride in the back seat for the 6-hour trip.
    Our experience was so similar to the woman above I won’t repeat it. Assembly line couples and groups. They gave my husband a polygraph exam without asking me anything about it to prepare him.

    On the final day, we went into an office with Dr. Weiss.

    Dr. Weiss told me my husband had passed the polygraph exam. I was stunned into silence because there was no way that was possible because the questions he was asked were based solely on his own admissions-not my suspicions!

    Dr. Weiss proceeded to berate me as to why I was jumping up and down with joy and calling everyone…………..My husband just sat quietly taking it all in. You can imagine what he was like to try to live with after that.
    I later learned though the man who did the polygraphs was certified and has many years’ experience he completed a 30-60-minute exam total. Later, I read about the issues with polygraph exams, they’re not allowed as evidence in a court of law and to get anywhere close to accurate results need to be for a minimum of 90 minutes.

    My husband was on a high dosage of Tramadol, a synthetic morphine, at the time of his exam. No one asked him. He’s still dependent on this drug.

    Months later my husband admitted/bragged to me he had told Dr. Weiss I was a BPD, a Borderline Personality Disordered woman. It is the worst diagnoses a woman can be labeled with. It is often misdiagnosed in women of DV abuse. However, my continued diagnoses remain MDD, Major Depressive Disorder, GAD, General Anxiety Disorder, PCS, Post-concussion Syndrome from the head injuries and C-PTSD and Complex Grief which is where the first diagnoses stem from. NEVER BPD!

    Dr. Weiss NEVER asked me about my husband. He never asked me about if it was true I was diagnosed with BPD. I was a professional VR Counselor and my husband was a blue-color coal miner and he accepted his diagnoses and word that I was BPD which is a lifelong character and personality disorder that is near impossible to treat.

    I’ve completed the DSM-V. I have some expertise in explaining my disorders and disabilities.

    My husband quietly went behind my back and claimed I was BPD to explain why I seemed to be struggling with our marriage to our friends, family, co-workers, church family even my children. He ruined my life in all ways.

    I remained silent and loyal, private as a wife should be about our marital especially our sexual life. He has done many illegal sexual actions to me and family members. Never enough proof to move forward.

    He used what Dr. Weiss had said and him passing the polygraph to totally destroy my credibility, professional and personal life. I went from $50,000 a year to live on SSDI since 2011. He came home and told everyone who would listen what he had endured while I remained silent because I had no idea.

    After remaining as a caregiver for my mother who had cancer from 2012 and passed in 2014, I had to move in 2014 for my safety and well-being. I have lived in three states and seven homes since 2014. I just got into senior housing and I have nothing. Not a bed or household good. Just boxes of clothes, toiletries, and papers.
    I have a legal divorce and name change as of 02/2018 but the property settlement will be decided later. He has successfully caused me to go from zero debt with a near 800 credit score to $35,000 in debt to try to survive with all my medical conditions for the past three years.

    I live in fear if I do get awarded a settlement, he may come for me someday.

    Because of my medical expenses and debt, he caused since the divorce was filed, It will be taken by the debts and Medicaid.

    This spiral where my Ex basically went into a Narcissistic Rage which quietly but lethal continues to this day.

    I was betrayed by the leaders of our church. He is not supposed to hold any position in the church if he is abusive. I truly believe others would and could see and know the truth for themselves. They do not and will not.

    I was raped by him in my rental after the last head injury. That’s just one of over a decade of ongoing abuse I kept secret and was too afraid to challenge him.

    Our visit to H2H began a nightmare I had no idea was brewing of revenge from my Ex I’m still enduring.
    I hope this isn’t too difficult to follow.

    Ask me anything you wish.

    I’m considering Legal Malpractice against my lawyer for not helping me with spousal support as a disabled spouse. I’m too beat down and disabled to help myself against either of them anymore.

    I’ve wondered about legal repercussions against Dr. Weiss. Possibly a Class Action Case.

    Dr. Weiss and H2H need to be stopped.

    Even Dr. Phil supports and promotes him! I wonder if Dr. Phil would continue to support him if he knew there’s so many of us who suffered further abuse and stayed years longer in marriages that were headed to the same outcome and tragically destroyed women’s lives.

    I read the other woman’s post and triggered my response and support.

    I wasn’t able to speak about this until now that the divorce is legal. I live in constant intimidation and fear of telling my story.

    My health is ruined and in retirement I have little hope for recovery.

    I have nothing left to fear but fear itself!

    Dorlee

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