Articles and Stories for Wives and Partners of Sex Addicts

Wisdom and a Question From One of Our Sisters on Abuse

Fifty years ago, if you were a battered woman, you probably wouldn’t tell anyone. And if you did, what advice would they have given you?–how to cope, how to stay, how to tiptoe around so that you wouldn’t trigger his temper? You would be told all the ways that leaving would hurt your family, your

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My Sex Addict Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant

Has anyone else had the unfortunate experience of their Sex Addict  getting another woman pregnant as a result of the addiction? I have and I wanted to talk about it. its just another facet of this nightmare that i am having trouble dealing with.

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Doug Weiss Heart to Heart Counseling Center HORRIBLE!

I received this e-mail from a woman who attended the Doug Weiss Heart To Heart Counseling Center. She said the experience was horrible! Here’s what she had to say about that experience. Doug Weiss. HORRIBLE!! 1. When I stated that I was so devastated that I did not want to have sex with my husband,

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Where Is The Real Proof About Sex Addiction?

Everyone has an opinion and opinions seem paramount in discussing sex addiction. Anecdotal evidence is touted as scientific proofs for outrageous recovery and cure rate claims. Treatment centers use methodologies that have no professional basis and claim high success rates. So, why do I take it upon myself to cry ‘foul? It’s because of the

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12 step co-ed group

Do 12 Step Programs Really Work?

Today 12 step programs are the ‘go to’ gold standard for sex addiction. But, do 12 Step Programs really work? AA’s success as an organization has not been matched by a research record. After 75 years of existence, scientific study had been unable to confirm AA’s effectiveness. There certainly is a correlation between attendance at AA

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Bipolar and Sex Addiction

I received this question from a woman who is married to a man who was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and who also is a sex addict. Here is her question: Does anyone have any experience with bipolar and sex addiction? My husband has been diagnosed with bipolar, though he is now shifting is focus to

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What to ask your therapist

What To Ask Your Therapist

What to Ask Your Therapist Partners often endure further trauma by therapists who want to call us names such as co-dependent, co-addict or co-sex addict. Many therapists claim to use the ‘trauma model’ but want the Partners to share in the blame, commit to staying with the sex addict for a year before making any

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hands of support

What Partners Say About Sex Addiction and Support

What Partners Say-Sisterhood of Support In this new weekly series, ‘What Partners Say’ I have gleaned the best of the best testimonials from the private forums of what partners say about sex addiction and the support they get from the Sisterhood. These are all anonymous and any personal information has been removed. Some of the comments may

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Why? A Partner Speaks On Sex Addiction

Why does a man choose hookers over his family? Why didn’t we see this major flaw in our husbands? Why do we stay and have nervous breakdowns when we find out? Why do therapists push us towards acknowledging our part? Why are we triggered? Why can’t we just walk out the door and never look back? Why do we seek help for them? Why do they blame us? Why do our friends and family want us to just get over it? Why did this man who watched me deliver our daughter/son leave the hospital and seek out a prostitue? And the winner is “why can’t they be helped?”

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Rate Your Therapist

It is time to publicly rate your therapist. Somehow, some way the ‘do no harm’ philosophy has been lost on CSATs and therapists who counsel sex addicts and their partners. I hear story after story after story of blame shifting, name calling and outright deception and lying about the therapists undisclosed addictions. It is time

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‘Sexual Sobriety’ Leaves Victims Untreated by Dr. Minwalla

This article, by Dr. Minwalla echoes what we, at the Sisterhood, have been saying for years. Dr. Omar Minwalla is the only professional who really seems to understand the complexity and scope of this thing we call ‘sex addiction’. This article is so important it should be posted on every Partner’s refrigerator and bathroom mirror.

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Written by a Sister

Written by a Sister who wishes to remain anonymous… “The heart wants what it wants – or else it does not care.” No, that was not Woody Allen, (although he did quote an obscene version of it as a way to justify running off with his adopted daughter). It was Emily Dickinson, my favorite poet.

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Is There Really a ‘Better Than Ever’ After Discovery?

We have had some interesting discussions in the Sisterhood forums as to whether or not women can find happiness after discovering that they are in a relationship with a sex addict and if their marriage can be better than ever. The phrase that 12 steppers, therapists  and Intensive Therapy programs pitch is the ‘Your marriage

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woman relaxing

A Relaxation Gift for My Sisters

As you know from my previous post I am working on some audio tapes to help you relax and feel good about yourselves during this stressful time after Discovery and while trying to make those difficult decisions. Well, if you add the holidays to the mix and we are all basket cases. Here is a

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just say no to abuse

Abuse is Abuse is Abuse

The news coverage of Ray Rice brutally beating his fiancee unconscious has brought back a flood of memories for me. I was a teen in the 60’s and fought long and hard, alongside other courageous women, to win basic rights. Our right to be treated at least as well as animals does not seem to apply

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computer privacy

Please Sisters, Protect Our Privacy

Sisters, this website is very private. All of the Sisters depend upon and trust each other to keep our safe place safe. Yet, once in a while our safety is violated by a snooping husband. Even worse is when our safety is violated by a Sister herself. Our conversations, our private thoughts and emotions, are

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The Truth About Lying

Some Partners have said that you can always tell when a Sex Addict is lying–because their lips are moving. Unfortunately, that is true. Most Sex Addicts lie out of simple self preservation, preservation of the facade that they present. Let’s think about it. These guys have lied all of their lives. It is second nature.

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Debunking The ‘Men Are Genetically Programmed To Cheat’ Theory

Honestly, I get so sick of reading and hearing over and over that men are genetically programmed to cheat. Those espousing this theory claim that men are programmed to spread their seed far and wide in order to ensure the survival of the species. Just like other male based thought processes, this one just doesn’t

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Sex Addictions And Brain Changes–Which Came First?

Note: I wrote this in 2013. Watch for updates. ~ JoAnn Although I have not been able to find any serious research papers on frontal lobe volume loss in sex addicts, there are more than enough ‘professional opinions’ out there that claim that sex addicts exhibit the same changes in their brains as other addicts.

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pencil and paper

An Open Letter To Patrick Carnes, Stefanie Carnes, Robert Weiss, All CSAT Counselors And Sex Addiction 12 Step Advocates

  A heartfelt letter written by a member of the Sisterhood: Dear Patrick Carnes, Stefanie Carnes, Robert Weiss, All CSAT Counselors And Sex Addiction 12 Step Advocates, Please consider this letter an urgent request to change the current 12 step/co-addict approach that has been perpetuated in the field of sexual addiction. The historical underpinning of Bill

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The 5% Recovery Myth For Sex Addicts

Although the Sex Addiction gurus, like Carnes and Weiss, claim that any Sex Addict can change and recover if they really want to, and some even claim a 100% success rate, those of us who have lived and researched the behaviors that are called Sex Addiction know that is just not possible. Yet even the

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If They Are Not Really Addicts Why Do We Call Them Sex Addicts?

The debate of whether Sex Addiction is really an addiction will not be settled soon, especially while expensive treatment centers continue to offer five figure ‘cures’. I have stated for years that I do not believe that the compulsive sexual behaviors that these so called Sex Addicts engage in are not signs of a true

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over and over and over

Serial Recovery?

Here on the Sisterhood we have all acknowledged the narcissistic, self-indulgent behaviors of Sex Addicts. But, there is a strange behavior that I noticed in my husband, and in some of the stories that I have read. I am not sure what to call it, but I know it exists. In fact, it almost seems

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stressed woman

Ten Things To Help Partners Of Sex Addicts Deal With Holiday Stress

The Holiday Season is upon us and for Partners of Sex Addicts the stress can become unbearable. Here are a few ideas to help you through the Holidays and deal with all that holiday stress. Ahhhh…the holiday season. Blinking colored lights everywhere, crowded malls, shopping lists, noise, everyone telling you their wants and needs, your

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He’s A Sex Addict! Should I Stay Or Go?

When I started my first website almost a decade ago my mission was to offer women who were in a relationship with a Sex Addict the information and resources that I did not have when I made my Discovery. Information that would have helped me decide if I should stay or go. I made my

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Cave Men And Evolution

As if we women don’t have enough societal hurdles and hoops to jump through, here we have what appears to be a sensible review of a new book that exposes the greed driven practices of  pharmaceutical companies that want to make women’s normalcy and uniqueness an illness so they can sell us pills to ‘make

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child on computer with mother watching

Porn Is Just A Typo Away

Here’s why everyone should monitor their children’s internet activity.* -The average age of someone finding porn online is 11. -Sex and Porn are among the top 5 search terms for kids under 18. -Only 3% of adult web sites require age verification. -Fewer than half (48 percent) of U.S. parents set parental controls on their

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we still have a long way to go baby

We Still Have A Long Way To Go Baby

NOTE: I wrote this article in 2011. Sadly, things have not changed, in fact, they have gotten worse. It’s a sad commentary on so called civilized societies. I ran across this article and it just made my blood boil. The pervasive conservative, religious right wing movement in this country is doing such tremendous harm to

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