Question from the UK – How on Earth Do You Get Over Sex Addiction Betrayal?


Message: Hi JoAnn. I can’t subscribe as from the UK, wondered if you could put my message on the main page, so I can see replies please?

Question from the UK – How on Earth do you get over sex addiction betrayal?

My story is very similar to other sex addiction stories what I have read on your site – an 18 year sham relationship. I have been lied to, manipulates and gaslighted by a truly evil narcissist, who has even taken money from his kid’s bank accounts to fund his sordid habit.

I got chlamydia and gonorrhea for Christmas, yet when he got tested after, his results came back clear, so in friends and families eyes he is innocent. He even left himself a reminder on the table, ‘Ciana – 10am Saturday’, then changed it to say ‘Cinema’ when he returned home an hour later.

I had a breakdown. I couldn’t eat, sleep or function. I spent a month on a mental ward. I am now stronger, and moved out of the facade of a forever family home. That’s another sore point – he is only paying interest only payments on the mortgage, so that he has extra money in his pocket. I’ve moved into a rental and the children share their time with me and their perfect Dad. I’m hoping that will change though as he intends to sell the family home.

My new home is lovely and the children are settled, however, I am still a shaking wreck. I am on 2 lots of antidepressants and am eating and semi -sleeping, but I don’t know what I can do to get over my all consuming intrusive thoughts. I am too depressed to read or watch TV and too ill to work, so I don’t know how to fill my time and distract me from my thoughts. The summer holidays are almost here, yet I am no longer the confident, proactive Mum, taking the kids for trips out. I just want to curl up in a ball…

Everyone says it’s a grieving process and it will take time. I just can’t stand that it fills my head constantly. Any advice please?


1 thought on “Question from the UK – How on Earth Do You Get Over Sex Addiction Betrayal?”

  1. Hi T,

    I am so, so sorry for the trauma you have suffered and for the continued stress that you are enduring. I hear your pain and I do understand how awful life seems right now. When we are in the middle of our journey out of hell there appears to be no end to the pain.

    Please know that it will eventually get better. It sounds like you are doing all that you can, especially with the anti depressants, which I always recommend for situations like yours. You may need a different type of anti depressant as each person responds differently to the many types available. Please talk with your health care provider and tell them how you are feeling and that you are sleeping.

    Don’t feel as though you have to conquer this all at once, that’s an impossible task. Set tiny goals so that you can feel good when you accomplish them. These could be a small as going out for an hour once a week to enjoy something you really like, such as a movie, a trip to the library, shopping and buying yourself a small gift that you wouldn’t ordinarily buy…things like that. One baby step at a time. The positive feedback will help with your depression. Then add another tiny goal, something just for yourself. You are a strong woman, you will get through this and the confidant, proactive woman that you are will emerge again.

    I will post your letter on my site and hopefully you will get some suggestions from other partners.

    As for being in the UK, I have and have had many women subscribe from the UK and from all over the world, so there should be no problem with you subscribing if you choose to do so.

    I am sending all my best energy and courage to you.

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