Written by Honestly, I get so sick of reading and hearing over and over that men are genetically programmed to cheat. Those espousing this theory claim that men are programmed to spread their seed far and wide in order to ensure the survival of the species.
Just like other male based thought processes, this one just doesn’t stand up under even the simplest scrutiny.
Here’s why.
First, let’s strip away the erroneous basis for this theory–that all men are just out for sex.
All men are not just out for sex. Cheaters want to justify their bad behaviors by normalizing it in their minds.
Sure, the media wants to hype the sex addiction theory and the completely erroneous fallacy that men are (1.) genetically programmed to cheat so they can spread their seed and ( 2.) that all men have only one thing on their mind–sex.
Research has shown that neither of these are true.
Let’s look at number one.
A single dominant male in an animal social group only works if that one male is strong enough to fend off attackers for several females and their young. An example of a group where a dominant male hierarchy works is a lion pride. The King of the Jungle is fierce enough to protect a small pride of females and their young.
Humans are extremely vulnerable in the animal world and the only reason we have survived is because we learned to live in groups with many males. And, when there are many males in a social group pair bonding occurs. Women with young children, who are totally dependent for up to 12 years, required protection or they would have been tiger food. If the ‘spread your seed’ theory were correct there would be no humans because one male could not protect a harem of women with young children. Taking all that into consideration I would think that it is more logical to believe that humans are genetically programmed to pair bond and that the very precious female, who carried on the reproductive cycle, would have had her pick of the strongest and most desirable males.
In fact, considering the hazards of childbearing in early human history, a female was probably not only a rarity, but a precious commodity and she probably had her own ‘harem’ of males vying for her attention.
So, fuck that theory. It’s been perpetuated by men who like to justify why they cheat and a media that only thinks about selling advertising.
Now, as for theory number two about men only wanting sex, there have been many studies that show just the opposite. Yes, men like sex, but so do women and both men and women prefer to be in an exclusive, caring relationship. Comedians like to make jokes about men only wanting ‘beer and something naked’ but most men prefer a monogamous relationship and the majority of men will say that just great sex does not make for a satisfying relationship.
And as for hookers, very few men ever pay for sex in their lifetime. Just because you are a sex addict and have had your behaviors ‘normalized’ by all those 12 step groups, does not make paying for sex the norm or even close to it.
http://www.livescience.com/28169-men-who-use-prostitutes.html
My rant for the day.
My husband latched on to the sex addiction diagnosis pretty quickly. I think he thinks that somehow lessens the betrayal. I really think the sexual acting out is due to an underlying personality disorder. I think he has a skewed sense of entitlement and a lack of respect for other people’s opinions or wishes. He thinks he knows what is best and damn what anybody else thinks or wants. It has been a year since I found a picture of his penis on his phone. He is in counselling for sex addiction but I really think it is much deeper than sex. I hope he figures that out and stops behaving like his activities were all about sex and that, since he is in counseling, he is okay.
My husband says that all men receive “visual” sexual gratification and that all men are born that way. After researching, I have found that MANY books/article/etc. state the same thing. What the HELL? So they can just walk into the grocery store and “get off” on practically anyone? I asked him outright who he had “creeped” on and when these things took place. He said pretty much everywhere we went including but not limited to my best friend, a girl that works at our grocery store, the nurses at the doctors office, mothers of my son’s boy scout group, the list goes on and on. He said he had no one thing that was a “trigger”. I asked him how the hell could he be like this. Even the night before we went on our family vacation when he was supposed to be purchasing items for our trip, he had to have his “fix” as he called it and walked into the store and headed straight for the girl magazines. I said “fix”???? “Really?”. Can you actually call what you are doing a “fix” when you have broken so much?! I’m sorry but I don’t buy into this load of crap. When I go to the store, I’m going to shop for my family, not to creep on other men. I have my family and their needs on my mind and if I did happen to see an attractive looking man standing in front of me, I can assure you, I’m not going to obtain “sexual gratification” from him. Sick!
This article from Psychology Today may shed some enlightenment on the “genetically programmed, so we can’t help it” shit.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/busting-myths-about-human-nature/201407/the-real-reason-sexual-violence-is-so-widespread
Mine is one of those ‘hobbiests’ and I think the ‘survey’ failed to look at their actual posts about the escorts and their self-delusions about how much that 18 yr old loves her job….
Above is in reference to the Live Science link.
“If the ‘spread your seed’ theory were correct there would be no humans because one male could not protect a harem of women with young children.” Logic! Imagine that!
I see this wonderful point in many of our Native American tribes. Each tribe had it’s own conventions, but in general, the males cooperated to protect the society as a whole. Mate pairing is essential in social structures like this. Without rules for bonding/mating- males would have killed off other males rather than cooperated.
I think we are about to see how true the “spread your seed theory” is by observing the outcome of the female shortage in China. With no females to “spread your seed at”- what happens?