It’s ‘Just’ Porn-Everyone Does It

How many times have you heard that? ‘It’s just porn, everyone does it.’

Well, considering the statistics, it almost does seem like everyone does it. That’s the scary part. Cyber porn is highly addictive, it’s use escalates to different and more bizarre images in order to get the same effect and porn is extremely detrimental to anyone viewing it as well as to intimacy in a relationship.

With over 95% of viewers being male, porn’s effect on intimacy is complicated since it is easy for wives to underestimate its bad effects. As a barrier to intimacy, habitually viewing pornography sets up formidable walls between couples: guilt, unrealistic sexual expectations, addictive behaviors, and the erosion of trust, to name just a few.

Consider the following stats on porn*:

* Pornographic websites: 4.2 million (12% of total)
* Daily search engine requests for porn: 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
* Daily porn emails: 2.5 billion (8% of total emails).
* Internet users who view porn: 42.7%
* Websites offering illegal child porn: 100,000
* Monthly Internet Porn Sales: $4.9 billion
* Every second: 28, 258 internet users are viewing porn
* Every 39 minutes: a new porn movie is created in the United States

*Stats are by Jerry Ropelato at Internet Filter Review.

Very unsettling is the large selection of “rape” videos, many of which could pass for legitimate rape scenes with real struggles ensuing. Even worse is the growing number of porn sites that cater to child pornography. The small amount of research I have done by simply surfing the free porn sites left me upset for weeks. These sites have indexes where you can choose from a very long list of things I never knew that anyone associated with sex. Every type of body function, every type of body part and every fetish, deviation or possible act was there for the choosing. Several sites had naked photos of quite obviously pre pubescent children exposing their genitals. This made me so ill I thought I was going to vomit. These are all free and easy to find in any search engine on the internet.

Pornography leaves the impression that sex is unrelated to love, commitment or marriage; and that irresponsible sex has no undesirable penalties. Desensitization of rape as a crime, misconceptions about the popularity of certain sexual practices, and a decrease in the care of female sexuality are all effects of repeated viewing of pornography.

Just think, anyone can access these photos and videos, and these websites are completely free of charge; a child would have no problem stumbling upon them. I can attest to the fact that any computer geeky type of child probably runs across links and photos to these sites on a daily basis especially if they are only interested in computer games, or electronic equipment, as those sites are notorious for making money from porn links. You don’t have to go looking for it, believe me, the porn industry targets websites that children and teens search for.

I am terrified at the future of our children and for relationships in general. There is no doubt that porn desensitizes viewers to whatever they are watching. That is why porn addicts will always escalate. That giant shot of pleasure chemicals quickly gets old and the mind needs bigger, better, more and more exotic to achieve the same effect. I am usually not a doom and gloom type person, but with so many men and so many young people accessing these types of images I just can’t help but think that the future of the majority of relationships is looking bleak.

So, what are we to do? We, as wives, partners or mothers have a lot of power. I do not believe in censorship, but I do believe that we not only have a right, but a duty to take control of own lives and what happens in our own homes. An absolute boundary should be no pornography in the house. If you are in a relationship with a Sex Addict, I believe that the porn viewing must stop or the relationship must end. Computer monitoring should be used to ensure that it is not happening. We have no control over what they do elsewhere, but we do have control over what happens in our home.

If there are children in the home with a Sex Addict there is an even greater danger that they will be exposed to inappropriate material. Again, firm boundaries are a must. Divorce and the potential of unsupervised visits with the Sexually Addicted parent can be a nightmare for the spouse. Again, complete and total openness and honesty with the children is the only protection you will probably have. Find a good family counselor and discuss how to present the dangers to young children. Counseling for the children is also a must.  And, be sure to discuss with your children what is inappropriate behaviors from adults. It’s unfortunate, but even young children may need to be warned against things that their Sexually Addicted parent may do to them or in front of them. It’s just another piece of the ugly fallout that the family of an addict must face..

Any time there are children in the home I feel that it is a parent’s duty to protect them from the covert, subtle but oh so dangerous marketing of the porn industry. Talk with your children. Be honest in an age appropriate manner and discuss the choices that they will be facing as they grow up. Let them know that some choices that seem unimportant at the time can have serious, long term effects on their personality and on their adult lives. Don’t be afraid to talk with preteens and teens about sex. Believe me, they already know more than we have ever learned.

Acknowledge their sexual urges, discuss appropriate outlets, discuss masturbation as a normal and natural part of growing up (for girls too), but also talk about the harm that porn can do to their expectations in a relationship. Discuss how society objectifies women. These are topics that your children need to know that you feel comfortable talking to them about. Let them know that they can come to you and talk about anything. They probably won’t, but it’s up to you to keep that door open.

The destruction of our children’s innocence is something we must all fight. Burying our heads in the sand or ignoring the issue is abuse. We have a responsibility to protect our young ones. It is our responsibility to know where they are and what they are doing. All home computers should be in a public room, like the living room or family room. No laptops in the bedroom, especially for teens. Monitor the computer if you are away from home a lot. Blocking programs like net nanny and such are practically useless. Just do a search for ‘How To Disable Internet Filtering Programs’ and you will see that these filters will not protect your children. The most stringent programs wind up blocking sites that are even necessary for homework assignments, and allow others right through. My thoughts are that monitoring programs, like the eBlaster that I sell, are the only ways to know for sure what is happening on your computer.

So, even though it may appear as if ‘everyone’ is doing it, that does not mean that we should allow it in our homes or in our families.