Why? A Partner Speaks On Sex Addiction

Why does a man choose hookers over his family? Why didn’t we see this major flaw in our husbands? Why do we stay and have nervous breakdowns when we find out? Why do therapists push us towards acknowledging our part? Why are we triggered? Why can’t we just walk out the door and never look back? Why do we seek help for them? Why do they blame us? Why do our friends and family want us to just get over it? Why did this man who watched me deliver our daughter/son leave the hospital and seek out a prostitue? And the winner is “why can’t they be helped?”

Rate Your Therapist

It is time to publicly rate your therapist. Somehow, some way the ‘do no harm’ philosophy has been lost on CSATs and therapists who counsel sex addicts and their partners. I hear story after story after story of blame shifting, name calling and outright deception and lying about the therapists undisclosed addictions. It is time to expose these charlatans and hold them accountable. Partners are encouraged to accept the sex addict’s bad behaviors and slips, engage […]

‘Sexual Sobriety’ Leaves Victims Untreated by Dr. Minwalla

This article, by Dr. Minwalla echoes what we, at the Sisterhood, have been saying for years. Dr. Omar Minwalla is the only professional who really seems to understand the complexity and scope of this thing we call ‘sex addiction’. This article is so important it should be posted on every Partner’s refrigerator and bathroom mirror. Please read it daily. The focus of traditional sex addiction-compulsivity treatment models tends to be on diagnosing and stopping specific […]

Written by a Sister

Written by a Sister who wishes to remain anonymous… “The heart wants what it wants – or else it does not care.” No, that was not Woody Allen, (although he did quote an obscene version of it as a way to justify running off with his adopted daughter). It was Emily Dickinson, my favorite poet. She also wrote in the same letter to Mrs. Samuel Bowles in 1882, “We won’t break, Mary. We look very […]

Is There Really a ‘Better Than Ever’ After Discovery?

We have had some interesting discussions in the Sisterhood forums as to whether or not women can find happiness after discovering that they are in a relationship with a sex addict and if their marriage can be better than ever. The phrase that 12 steppers, therapists  and Intensive Therapy programs pitch is the ‘Your marriage can be better than ever’ after discovery and therapy. Is that possible? Sure, but not they way they promise. First, […]

A Relaxation Gift for My Sisters

As you know from my previous post I am working on some audio tapes to help you relax and feel good about yourselves during this stressful time after Discovery and while trying to make those difficult decisions. Well, if you add the holidays to the mix and we are all basket cases. Here is a short tape I have made just for you,  my Sisters. This short 12 minute audio tape has my voice repeating various phrases […]

Abuse is Abuse is Abuse

The news coverage of Ray Rice brutally beating his fiancee unconscious has brought back a flood of memories for me. I was a teen in the 60’s and fought long and hard, alongside other courageous women, to win basic rights. Our right to be treated at least as well as animals does not seem to apply to celebrities who can beat a woman to a pulp and get a mere slap on the hand. In the […]

Please Sisters, Protect Our Privacy

Sisters, this website is very private. All of the Sisters depend upon and trust each other to keep our safe place safe. Yet, once in a while our safety is violated by a snooping husband. Even worse is when our safety is violated by a Sister herself. Our conversations, our private thoughts and emotions, are strictly confidential and are not to be shared with anyone, especially our Sex Addict partners. It does not matter if […]

The Truth About Lying

Some Partners have said that you can always tell when a Sex Addict is lying–because their lips are moving. Unfortunately, that is true. Most Sex Addicts lie out of simple self preservation, preservation of the facade that they present. Let’s think about it. These guys have lied all of their lives. It is second nature. You have to be a very good liar to lead a double life, to hide your activities, to make plausible […]

Debunking The ‘Men Are Genetically Programmed To Cheat’ Theory

Honestly, I get so sick of reading and hearing over and over that men are genetically programmed to cheat. Those espousing this theory claim that men are programmed to spread their seed far and wide in order to ensure the survival of the species. Just like other male based thought processes, this one just doesn’t stand up under even the simplest scrutiny. Here’s why. First, let’s strip away the erroneous basis for this theory–that all […]

An Open Letter To Patrick Carnes

  A heartfelt letter written by a member of the Sisterhood: Dear Patrick Carnes, Stefanie Carnes, Robert Weiss, All CSAT Counselors And Sex Addiction 12 Step Advocates, Please consider this letter an urgent request to change the current 12 step/co-addict approach that has been perpetuated in the field of sexual addiction. The historical underpinning of Bill Wilson’s model for alcoholism has serious negative implications for evidence-based practice, even for sobriety standards, even though its evolution at […]

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