Rate Your Therapist

It is time to publicly rate your therapist.

Somehow, some way the ‘do no harm’ philosophy has been lost on CSATs and therapists who counsel sex addicts and their partners. I hear story after story after story of blame shifting, name calling and outright deception and lying about the therapists undisclosed addictions. It is time to expose these charlatans and hold them accountable.

Partners are encouraged to accept the sex addict’s bad behaviors and slips, engage in sexual activity without addressing the physical and emotional risks and to refrain from voicing their despair, trauma and anger by calling it ‘shaming’ the addict, thus causing them to act out again.

Partners are admonished if we refuse to accept part of the blame for the secret life that these men lead and we are told that we need to make amends and literally morph into a Stepford type personality to accomodate the addict’s special needs.

In essence we are shamed for our normal, healthy emotions and responses while the addict is allowed to express his with abandon.

This is the 12 step model. This is the treatment modalities that profess to address the ‘Trauma Model’ but do so in name only in order to attract more partners into treatment.

This has to stop!

The Sisterhood, along with the Married To A Sex Addict site will now name names and post reviews of therapists and programs that offer treatment for sex addicts and their partners.

Post your comments below. Please give the therapist’s name and city and any other details you would like to your comment and share your experiences and details.

This will be open to the public so if you wish to remain anonymous please register with a user name that will not be identifiable. If you are not sure how to do that just contact me at JoAnn@sisterhoodofsupport.org ~ JoAnn

35 thoughts on “Rate Your Therapist”

  1. Bill Herring, Atlanta Ga: big fat thumbs down. He straddles the fence, playing lip service to the trauma model but calling women who adhere to that model and deny codependency entirely “empowered victims.”

    He is a sex addict himself and has no business treating partners. He is the quintessential SA: presents as a really nice guy, does all he can to earn your trust. Then, if you show any real emotion, he gets that deer-in-headlights look and asks you not to “shame the addict.” I never felt like a priority and never felt I was heard. The whole experience added trauma upon trauma.

  2. George Collins – HUGE THUMBS DOWN!
    Author of Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame
    Flaming sex addict/narcissist now making $$$ proclaiming he has the cure. My SAH had some session with him. I got involved in a conference call in which he yelled at me, called me nasty names and then tried to push me off on one of his associates. He couldn’t say a sentence without proclaiming the was the author of the “best selling book on sex addiction.”

  3. Dr. Elizabeth O’Donnell, Westlake, OH HUGE THUMBS UP!
    I was fortunate enough to get a referral from Dr. Minwalla. If anyone else lives in the Cleveland area, please contact Dr. Elizabeth O’Donnell of Westlake, OH. She’s amazing and has helped me in every session. She gets it–she understands the partner’s pain and the impact from years of the devious, abusive behavior of the SA.

  4. Amy Hansen- Agape Counseling- CSAT- Peoria, IL. She is worthless from a partner perspective. I think my SA loves her cause she is ease and passive and tells him what he wants to hear. She also makes put down comments about me not being ready to hear his truths. PLEASE. I wouldn’t send my dog to her to change its behavior let alone my SAH!!!

  5. Jim Goldstein, Hamilton NY. Thumbs down. Maybe he was in over his head, but SA mowed over him like it was nobody’s business. Dragged me into HIS therapy, blame shifted. You name it. Still can’t even think of those days 5 years ago.

    On a good note: Joanna Rigoli, New Hartford, NY…awesome find for ME a year ago. Two big thumbs up!! The good ones are out there; it’s the search that sucks. Hopefully this posting from all of us helps!

  6. Rob Baker – Bellevue, WA. HUGE thumbs down…because one should never look for help from the spawn of Satan. Actually, he is the worst kind of CSAT – a “recovered” SA who still basks in the misogyny of the co-addict model. He actively belittled me, in front of other therapists and my SA husband. Once, he yelled at me in a joint session and my husband said it was the most enlightening moment of his entire year plus working with Rob, because it was like looking in a mirror. “So that’s what I look like when I treat Autumn that way.” My husband overall became a much sicker and more emotionally abusive addict because of Ron’s influence.

  7. Erin Grupp, Tampa FL. I have mixed feelings. She’s smart, and while her basis is in the traditional co-dependency, 12 step model, she’s not wed to it, and recognizes the trauma model and treats spouses with respect. My husband sees her 1 on 1, and we also do couples sessions with her– weekly. My main concern: I fear (and have some experience that my fears are founded) that when my husband meets with her1 on 1, he is able to gaslight and manipulate (passive blaming, saying what she wants to hear), and she doesn’t press or call him out on his bullshit- and I suspect that she bought into some of his spin for a while. When we have a couples session, I call this stuff out, and she is supportive and helps me to hold him accountable. I just don’t think she is doing this when I’m not present. She is also very focused on improving communication (the drama triangle, non violent communication), but I don’t see as much focus on the underlying problems that lead to our communication challenges (e.g., his emotional manipulation, intimacy anorexia, and lying).

  8. Elaine Link Lisle IL – Thumbs down. She saw my husband as his therapist for the three years he lied about his recovery. She worked with our couples therapist. I only met with her directly once. I hysterically cried about the possibility that he was oggling a neighbors breast implants two weeks after discovery and was branded “judgmental.” She also blame shifted and chose to focus on my verbal abuse after D-Day. I do think she was smart, her heart in the right place, and even attempted to call my husband on some of his stuff but she was clearly outsmarted. He fooled everyone.

  9. Barbara Getz Sleepy Hollow IL- Lots of conflicted feelings here. I would say thumbs down for sex addicts and couples attempting to deal with this issues. She doesn’t have the infastructure in place to support partners or keep them safe. She doesn’t have the testing and treatment protocol in place to accurately diagnose or treat sex addicts. No polygraphs, no psych testing, no discussion of gaslighting, manipulation, no disclosure process. She made many tactical errors such as believing in my husbands history was accurate and recovery real without verifying anything. She encouraged “sensate therapy” (with my consent) and attempted to make me responsible for my lack of trust and ability to orgasm with my SA. She unintentionally gave my husband a platform to continue his abuse. Having said that she is a gifted therapist, kind warm person, who I do not believe meant any harm. I often wonder what she thinks today, but I will never know because now the three years of fake therapy is off limits because she is not our therapist anymore. Once I learned my husbands sexual acting out was endangering my life I fired her. I feel in my gut she was as surprised as I was by the depth of the manipulation and deception.

  10. Mark McDonald – Huge thumbs down. I met the man only once, after I had kicked my husband out and filed for divorce. He said he was a “straight shooter” and that he suspected my husband had a personality disorder. At the time he had a signed release for me and refused any subsequent requests for information. He definitely buys into the idea that SA’s can’t be held accountable for their actions because it is inherently too shaming. He encourages my husband “to limit set” by refusing to communicate in the face of any discussion with my daughters or myself around the consequences of his on-going addiction. Everything no matter true or not is too shaming. He appears to enable my husbands consistent relational violence and adds a dose of Christianity. My husband says he’s a recovered SA. No license in sex addiction. My husband has had no sobriety during treatment with this man yet the treatment plan appears to stay the same. He has an pronounced lack of empathy for partners and their children judging from his actions.

  11. i take it back. After reading many of the experiences described on SoS, I am no longer on the fence. I would fully endorse Erin Grupp (Tampa), and I thank my lucky stars I found her instead of one of the yahoo therapists you all are describing… yeah, she still comes from CSAT and can be too gentle (IMO) with our dear, fragile SA, but she would support me up, down, backwards and forwards and would NEVER suggest some of the crazy ass stuff some of these SABT’s (shout out to Liza for coining the term) have done! I may still be delusional about my marriage’s future, and she may be enabling my delusion, but thank god i haven’t had to listen to some of the BS and down right scary and dangerous crap that other’s have written about.

  12. In order of appearance:

    Mark Laing, Bayridge Family Centre, Burlington, ON
    Huge thumbs down. Being charitable, I think he is just severely underqualified to provide therapy to *anyone*, much less the disordered fuck-up of my ex-husband. He couldn’t quite verbally commit to either the co-dependency model or the trauma model, although his take-it-all-in-stride demeanor showed a gross lack of understanding of the traumatic nature of what was being done to me. He believes spouses shouldn’t get angry about the betrayals because then the SA won’t be honest. The real winning comment from Mark was, after I told him that I had just discovered the SA had sex with our dog, he asked the SA if he felt this would be less shameful for the SA if the dog was female. I’m not shitting you. The SA’s treatment from Mark ended with Mark calling the SA out as a personality disordered liar and telling me to run. Which is all true and good advice, but I believe it was motivated by Mark’s upset at being lied to by the SA and the SA not improving with Mark’s treatment; It had nothing to do with me or my pain or experience, because my trauma had been very tolerated up until Mark decided he had had enough.

    Paul Ricketts, CSAT, Hamilton, ON – Thumbs down. Paul will give lip service to the partner trauma, but doesn’t seem particularly concerned about it. He told me during our first meeting that, “His sexual behaviour is all on him, but all the other issues in the relationship are shared responsibility”. To which I responded, “Our other issues are that he refuses to work, won’t help around the house, and is verbally abusive. How is that on me?” But that didn’t sway him. It is disturbing that Paul advertises himself as specializing in abusive males since he doesn’t seem to have a clue about the dynamics of abusive relationships. Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum, where the abusive behaviour can be cordoned off and the rest of the relationship functions normally. Paul also recommends really horrible books about co-dependency and pushes S-Anon. However, he isn’t transparent about what the group is – he tries to get the partner to attend “a support group for women” without disclosing that it is a 12 step group which pushes the codependent model after I specifically told him I rejected the codependency model. Because what I needed never mattered.

    Dr. Jennifer Barbera, C.Psych, Hamilton, ON – THUMBS UP!!! I saw Jennifer on my own when I was in a really bad place. She does not specialize in “sex addiction” – She has experience in domestic abuse and PTSD. Not once was I told any of what happened to me was my fault – she recognized what happened to me as abuse. She showed true concern for my trauma. She also saw me as a whole person and not just a “partner”. Compared to other psychologists, her rate is also very reasonable. I felt very safe with Jennifer and wouldn’t hesitate to recommend her to other partners.

  13. Genesis Counseling Service | Caring • Committed • Christian
    http://www.genesiscounseling.net/———————————————–Big Fail, waste of money and time

    Journey to Healing & Joy / Circle of Joy – Marsha Means
    Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – Barbara Steffans

    They offered Group Coaching – (phone conference) working through the workbook for 12 weeks. I was with a coach named Kristie Farnworth. I was by far the most traumatized from a 30 year marriage to SA. The whole idea was to save your marriage —I figured this out about half way through the program At the end of the 12 weeks we were all on the phone (3 other ladies – conference call) and Kristie wanted feedback now that it was over. I said i had decided to leave my marriage, her comment was “Im sorry that you are GIVING UP”. WASTE OF MONEY AND TIME.

    OMG – I need therapy from the therapist……

    And forget about all the Christian pastors I went to…..Forgive, Don’t be Angry (God hates Anger) He ALSO Hates Divorce. Everyone put all the work and more trauma onto ME while SA sat there taking no responsibility. CRAZY spouse that I am.
    Divorce Minister.com is awesome and it was reading his blog that helped me the most as I made the decision to leave this disordered man. I am NOT CO-DEPENDANT…..screaming this as loud as i can.

  14. This review was sent to me and I promised to keep the author anonymous:

    Thumbs down: Sandy Weiser MSW, CSAT Valencia Ca.
    Do not Recommend!! This therapist was Ok at first and gave me a few good ideas about boundaries with regard to my Sex Addict husband. She did disclose that she is in “Recovery” but it never occurred to me to ask what she is in recovery from. After about 8 sessions she turned hostile, said I “emasculated” her and further traumatized me. I was in a very fragile state, and during one session she mocked my safety seeking behaviors and was inappropriately confrontational.
    I suffered a case of Therapist Induced Trauma which exacerbated my PTSD and naturally I never went back.

    Still traumatized,
    Santa Clarita, CA

  15. Barbara Macleod Scranton Pa. Thumbs down 100% twelve stepper. Will tell you you are addicted to him. Will want you to own your side of the street. She thinks everyone is an addict of some kind. She is recovering alcoholic drug addict and ‘love and romance’ addict whatever that means

    Jennifer Weeks Bethlehem Pa thumbs down. Another 12 stepper. Runs a group for sex offenders. Claims most of them are able to stay in their marriages. Was able to be snowed by SAs bullshit take on the marriage. Has been instrumental in keeping him sick

  16. Nan Long, Leesburg, VA, THUMBS DOWN. CSAT…Husband’s therapist after coming out of the asylum called DESERT SOLACE (Terrible terrible). Is a member of all the “partner support “groups. The things she told my SA were so “co addict” theory as to be 1950’s. “Walk her own side of recovery”, “She’s trying to take over your recovery”, “You need privacy to heal”, “12 step all the way”, along with what I thought was inappropriate behavior, calling SA day and night, all the time on his cell, of course these calls were “private”. When SA came home from his sessions, he was almost dangerous, in fact, several nights I spent outside on the picnic table after his sessions with this nutcase in fear of my life. That is the kind of therapy he was getting. Did he ever ever get better. NO. He got WORSE. She encouraged masterbation, she encouraged, are you ready, daily Cialys, she encouraged him to treat me with less respect than he had, which seems impossible. It was a big time money racket, too, always encouraging classes, etc. NO NO NO. Stay away from this group, who really advertises as a Partner of SA therapy group….HA.

  17. Desert Solace, St. George UT
    Residential SA treatment center, run by a “former” SA and his “happy happy wife”.
    Sent my SA husband here after discovery. He was there for 90 days. They did, as long as he let them communicate with me, identify that he was a sex addict with a coaddiction to alcohol, which was a surprise and denied by SA. His therapist, who was also a “former” SA, was very supportive of me, VERY supportive of me in frequent telephone conferences, and in telephone conferences with the SA, held him to the truth. Offered little hope of recovery, which was helpful. Until SA figured out I was getting too much information and withdrew HIPPA permission for them to talk to me.
    Unfortunately, this forum offered the SA narcissist much room to feed his supply, and he was really happy there. There were also some really bad players there as well, sorry, group, who I would consider perverts, not SA’s, who apparently gave my SA all sorts of new thoughts on ways to enhance his addiction.
    SA came home much worse than when he went, or maybe just more honest than when he went in.
    We are divorcing.
    I would say, don’t send your SA here if he is on the “light” side of SA, is easily influenced. I did like SA’s therapist alot.

  18. Debbie Daniel, Midlothian, VA: BIG thumbs UP. Debbie sees victims of addiction, understands trauma, is so supportive and loving, welcomes those calls/emails in the middle of the night and weekends, led me from the brink more times than i want to think about. Former nurse. Because she has been doing this so long, she “recognized” the SAH at once from my descriptions, since, basically, an addicted abuser is an addicted abuser, regardless of his substances of choice. Kind, funny, gentle, very direct. I am so glad I found her!!

  19. At one point I saw Sarah Ullman. My experience with her was horrendous. She said she was educated in the trauma model. She saw my husband, and told him (without telling me) that I was personality disordered. She encouraged him to keep all his activities secret from me, as my “controlling behaviour” was driving his sex addiction. She felt that it was ok for him to watch programming with nudity and sexual content. She is a great enabler of the addict and very supportive of narcissistic abuse. I only saw her two or three times but the damage was done. She encouraged him to set up private email accounts and not be transparent with me. When I confronted her on this she became extremely hostile. She was always late for appointments and I would describe her behaviour as rude and aggressive. When I looked up her credentials in the state of PA she is not listed as a psychologist, she is listed as a social worker. She is not forthright with her credentials, but makes a lot of claims. Beware. Just run away from this person. When my husband has sessions with her he is inflated and even more entitled that usual. She is in the 1950’s co-addict model and has no interest in a process of healing.

  20. Laurie Kennedy “Very Nice woman” Incapable of helping anyone in this place. She knew me for 5 years, knew nothing about porn and would not educate herself on it. I asked her 3 times and went to therapy and said. “Have you read about it?” Each time she said no.I told her how shamed and angry I am. She said the standard, “it is not about you”.Try not to shame him.
    After I called her I left her a message that I was not coming back because she did not educate herself about the issue and her training did not carry over. She called me back and said “She could “sense” that we were changing paths. I called her back and said, no I left because you would not learn about this topic. I experience indicated she was not keeping up with the area and should not ever counsel anyone with this. I found her distant and dismissive about my needs.

  21. Delyse Ledgard, Vancouver BC. Thumbs down. In a 20 minute introductory session, when asked how she treats partners of sex addicts, she immediately stated she does not believe in sex addiction, that the affairs and infidelities are a relational problem. I addressed this in a follow-up email, and she stated I’d misunderstood. Hardly. She does trauma counselling, but I wonder how effective it would be in an environment where I felt she considered me to be part of his problem, and where I felt her focus was on the SA. I suspect there was some gas lighting.

  22. Candace Risen, LISW, Beachwood, OH THUMBS DOWN My SAH started “therapy” with her in July, 2015, and six months later he was done with the marriage. She had him buy Carnes’ books; she didn’t think I should be informed of when he saw her; she thinks it’s “erroneous on the part of the partner” to think that disclosure will bring any measure of relief; she doesn’t believe in the efficacy of polygraphs. Need I say more? She’s a Carnes’ groupie.

  23. Cheryl Vance, (LMFT), Indianapolis, IN
    Nice lady, but she had no clue about the trauma I was dealing with. I met with her about 3 weeks post D-day and I was an emotional wreck. She pressed me to assess if I was homicidal because I felt angry about what my husband had done to me, my neighbor and my marriage. I did not appreciate that at all. Who wouldn’t be angry after D-day? Next, she suggested I focus on my work more…and less on my recovery (researching, learning to apply self care etc.). She said that earning money makes us feel empowered. Indeed it does….but not when you can barely get out of bed and brush your teeth. She missed the boat on how badly my SAH’s behavior traumatized me.

  24. !!THUMBS DOWN!!


    Patrick Ramsey

    He is listed as MC with experience in Sexual Addiction. However, this expert shamed me on more than one occasion because I felt porn use and masturbation was eroding my marriage and “our” sex life.

    The man told us both that masturbation was perfectly normal and I needed to take care of my own side of the street. In other words, this expert had no clue how porn use escalates and results in ED. Which my husband had/has.

    I was told I need individual counseling to work on my own issues regarding sexuality and trust. Not because of anything my husband had or hadn’t done. Why then? According to Mr. Ramsey since I didn’t trust my husband this was the real issue, not the SA. When I pointed out my husband had literally never even stopped dating after our marriage and had continued to look for sexual partners I was told it was none of my business who my husband slept with. The porn was called a non-issue as long as my husband felt he had it under control.

    Uses Patrik Carnes books, workbook and a 12 step program. The wife is immediately labeled a co-addict and co-dependant. And pointed towards her own 12-step group and counselor. He doesn’t work with wives.

    Thumbs down!

  25. Wow,
    There’s a lot of misled or plain uneducated therapists out there.doing more harm than good. We used Ted Roberts program “pure desire” had some interesting information on how our brains work and for the SA the paths it takes or believed the term was “hijacked” gave some hope of SA being treatable, going through ” the 7 pillars”. But after going through program 3 separate times, He could not overcome the addiction, so when “personality disorder” term popped up on your site, it was something to ponder about. They also have support for. Partners, using”betrayal and beyond book”.
    Didn’t neccesarily agree with much.but the one nice thing was being in a group with other womenpredicamateepredicamate.

  26. I felt compelled to leave a comment here after reading the negative review of Bill Herring (the first comment posted below at the bottom) simply because my experience with him was so different. I didn’t know that Herring was a sex addict himself (I’m not sure if that’s true but I guess it could be) and I think I’m glad I didn’t know at the time of receiving therapy from him. I’m pretty sure it would have seriously got in the way for me because, in our fragile state, it’s not difficult to see SAs as the enemy (I don’t suspect that’s just me). I don’t believe he actively concealed that information from me; rather I never asked him outright. I did, at some point, ask him how he came to specialize in this field (to be honest, that question was partially motivated by curiosity about whether he was a recovering SA himself or even the partner of a SA, just because I suspect that many people who specialize in this have personal experience with it) and he didn’t volunteer the information. I’m not convinced, however, that if he is a SA, that he was being deceptive or negligent in not revealing that information. Had I asked him outright and he refuted it (if he is in fact a SA) that would definitely be a problem for me. But knowing that probably would have got in the way for me to benefit from therapy with him (which I did benefit from). I’m also familiar with the therapeutic stance against therapist self-disclosure and I understand how that is useful (for the most part). I also think that a therapist should be able to be a good and effective therapist regardless of their own personal history, i.e., whether or not they’ve had firsthand experience with whatever issue they’re treating a client/patient for. And part of the training and expertise of therapists is being able to self-reflect about their own issues of transference and how their own personal histories may be interfering with the therapeutic process. So, I’m not really sure where I stand on this issue. I can certainly understand partners of sex addicts having strong objections to working with a therapist who is also a SA (in recovery, I would hope! I’m certainly not endorsing any therapist who would work with patients while in active addiction, oh hell no!). I also would object to any therapist who deliberately concealed that information from a patient.

    I, however, had a really positive experience working with Bill. I found him to be extremely empathic and validating of the trauma I had experienced. He was also able to help me gain a lot of really useful insight that helped me in my healing journey, he provided a great sounding board to help me process stuff I was going through (both related to my husband and just dealing with the emotional wreck that I was and the train wreck that my life had become), and offered me some great perspectives and ways of looking at things, tools that I continue to use to this day. He also was very forthright in condemning my husband’s behaviors in many ways. As us partners know, it’s not only the sexual acting out that hurts us so deeply, it’s all the accompanying behaviors such as lying, gaslighting, minimizing, refusing to own their part in destroying our relationships, deflecting blame, etc that are equally hurtful. Bill would often point out to me behaviors that my husband was doing of that sort as completely not okay which is exactly what I needed to hear to validate my own feelings and to counter some of the crazy that our husbands subject us to. I felt strengthened and deeply supported and affirmed by Bill. I stopped seeing him because I put my recovery on hold due to time issues and money concerns (stupid, I know and I recognize that I still have a long way to go to heal from this), but I wouldn’t hesitate to seek out Bill again for support. I found him extremely well versed in the trauma model for partners of sex addicts. At no time did he speak of coaddiction or codependency or make me feel in any way blamed or responsible for my husband’s shocking behavior. He would (gently, respectfully, and helpfully!) call me on my shit when I would engage in ways of thinking that were really not helpful, which any good therapist should do (they’re not going to be of much use if they just affirm any stuff you’re doing that is really not helping). But this didn’t happen often. Probably because I have very little shit to be called on (haha! I’m kidding – how I wish that were true!) To provide balanced feedback, I didn’t find him particularly useful when I brought up a different issue not related to my SA husband: I spoke about my negligent/narcissistic mother and I don’t feel he really got how abusive, destructive, and damaging that kind of parenting can be. But, to be honest, I don’t really blame him for that. Perhaps I didn’t provide him with enough background information to convey how unbelievably dysfunctional she is so he figured it was just regular run of the mill mother-daughter issues. And, to be fair, he did express strong objection to some things I shared that my mother had done and really validated my feelings of hurt relative to them. Regarding other things related to my mother, however, I was left feeling that he was suggesting that I was reading into things too much and being overly judgmental of her. Which, who knows, he may have been right, but it did make me feel that he was minimizing the history of damage caused by her and how that makes me especially sensitive to feelings of slight. But again, to be fair, I don’t expect any therapist to be an expert at everything and this is an issue that is more complicated and nuanced than your regular mother-daughter issues (just as supporting the partner of a SA is a whole different kettle of fish than supporting a regular—although admittedly also devastating—case of infidelity that most couples’ therapists are well versed in treating). I also don’t expect therapists to be perfect in every way and to always get everything right, so I really can’t fault Bill for this. Especially as he advertises himself as specializing in supporting partners of SAs (amongst other things I think) and for this I found him to be fantastic. I had actually had a couple of sessions previously with Barbara Steffens about which I hesitate to share because I didn’t find her great. I cannot rave enough about how deeply grateful I am to her for her book and for championing the trauma perspective (deep humble bow) but I didn’t love the sessions I had with her. I experienced her as somewhat cold, distant, and removed, I just didn’t feel a warmth or rapport, or that I was being held in a space of unconditional support and nonjudgment (the kind you might expect from another woman who has experienced this firsthand) which was what I needed at that time. (I feel like I should be condemned to death for daring to speak in anything less than glowing terms about Dr Steffens – egad! But, again, I can’t praise her highly enough for her contribution towards refuting the coaddiction model and forwarding the trauma perspective instead. My sessions with her were also at an earlier time in my recovery when I was an absolute basket case so it may have also been a matter of timing.) I found Bill, however, far far more helpful at providing the connection, validation and affirmation I so sorely needed.
    I’m sorry to hear that wasn’t march’s experience (who posted below) and it breaks my heart every time I hear about someone seeking treatment for this and not getting the support they need or, worse, being blamed or having their experience minimized. That wasn’t my experience with Bill and it was, for me at least, really really great. But, then again, what would I know about anyone anymore haha! After being so convincingly duped by my SA husband, I still find it difficult to trust anyone and I never know anymore if a person is being genuine or I’m just being conned  Clearly, I still have a long way to go to being fully healed from this awful experience. I look forward to committing myself fully to properly healing from this very soon. And, certainly from my experience with Bill, I won’t hesitate to seek him out again.

    (Sorry for the essay!!!)

  27. Beth Leedham, Ph.D., Encino, CA – huge thumbs down. She is a certified sex therapist who specializes in couples therapy and is the president of the LA Country Psychological Assoc. 1 month into the trauma we went to her. She had us write a list of our grievances during our marriage and hit me with my husband’s (sex addict’s) list first. He was upset that I stopped going to church with him – ironic as that is. 2 months into my trauma she confronted me with this and that I didn’t help him with his business enough (I also have my own business). She actually privately emailed him and said “Perhaps your resentment over these issues helped fuel the decisions you made around sex”. She and my husband were emailing each other privately the whole time which felt like another huge betrayal when I found out.

  28. Doug Weiss. HORRIBLE!!
    1. When i stated that i was so devastated that i did not want to have sex with my husband, he told me that if i didn’t have sex with my husband that i would lose him( I guess non emotional and objectifying sex is ok with him)
    2. Told my husband that i would not leave him because i would not give up my “life style”.
    3. When i told him that my physician husband continuing to touch and exam fully naked women triggered me, he stated ” then just don’t be in the room when he does that! ( as if that makes it ok).
    4 When i suggested my husband gave up doing procedures that involved him staring and touch fully naked women all day long, he stated ” You can’t ask him to change his career, its like asking him to change his eye color!). What? We are born with our eye color, however, we are not born with our careers! We can change our careers at any given time, but not our eye color! Besides, i wasn’t asking him to change his career, i was asking him to not do procedures with triggered me and my husband! As if its ok for an alcoholic to work as a bartender!!!
    5. Told me that i suffered from intimacy anorexia not reactive intimacy anorexia, but full blown intimacy anorexia because i did not want to have objectifying sex with my husband after i found out that he had unprotected sex with over 1500 different prostitutes, my sister, his patients, gym members, nurses, cleaning crew, drug reps etc….and did nothing to rectify the marriage and continued to lie lie and lie. Really?

  29. Cyndi Heartbroken

    Has anyone had any experience with Banyan therapy in CA? or seen Julia Alperovich there?

  30. Carol Miller – Jacksonville FL
    HUGE THUMBS UP!! Carol is a trauma specialist who understands personality disorders and, while not specifically trained in sex addiction, she helped me immensely with the aftermath of marriage to a sex addict. As I worked with her, my nightmares, anxiety, tearfulness, anger, etc slowly melted away. I still occasionally have flashbacks, but Carol gave me the tools to help myself. She never labeled me in any way. Carol was a lifesaver to me.

  31. SHEEZA MOHSIN – Flower Mound, TX – NO
    GRETCHEN HENTSCH COWLES – Flower Mound, TX & Dallas, TX – NO
    Lynn Woodard – Formerly Hopemead in Flower Mound, TX, now at Highand Village Counseling – NO
    Hopemead Counseling and Trauma Center – The worst team of “professionals” I have ever dealt with. Absolute garbage.

  32. The Blog page and those posts and comments are open to the public, as opposed to the forums, which are private and only visible to paid, current subscribed members. The public Blog is open for everyone to read and comment. I do moderate all comments and I often allow dissenting views or comments from CSATS or Sex Addiction therapists. There is no reason for you to feel unsafe as the forums are completely private. ~ JoAnn

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