I received this e-mail from a woman who attended the Doug Weiss Heart To Heart Counseling Center. She said the experience was horrible! Here’s what she had to say about that experience.
Doug Weiss. HORRIBLE!!
1. When I stated that I was so devastated that I did not want to have sex with my husband, he (Doug Weiss) told me that if I didn’t have sex with my husband that I would lose him (I guess non emotional and objectifying sex is ok with him).
2. He told my husband that I would not leave him because I would not give up my “life style”.
3. When I told him that my physician husband continued to touch and exam fully naked women and that triggered me, he stated ” then just don’t be in the room when he does that! (as if that makes it ok).
4. When I suggested that my husband give up doing procedures that involved him staring at and touching fully naked women all day long, he stated ” You can’t ask him to change his career, it’s like asking him to change his eye color!) What? We are born with our eye color, however, we are not born with our careers! We can change our careers at any given time, but not our eye color! Besides, I wasn’t asking him to change his career, I was asking him to not do procedures, which triggered me and triggered my husband.! As if its ok for an alcoholic to work as a bartender!!!
5. He told me that I suffered from intimacy anorexia not reactive intimacy anorexia. He said I had full blown intimacy anorexia because I did not want to have objectifying sex with my husband after I found out that he had unprotected sex with over 1500 different prostitutes, my sister, his patients, gym members, nurses, cleaning crew, drug reps etc….and did nothing to rectify the marriage and continued to lie lie and lie.
She goes on to say:
I just posted a comment about Doug Weiss, however I was wondering if you were aware of any clause his paperwork (that I did not pay attention to when I went to see him) stating that you cannot say anything negative about him? I know a great deal of therapists and women who had negative experiences with him, however I can’t find their comments anywhere. I know that when I asked him for my polygraph questions that he used in office, he refused claiming my questions were his property and that if I tried to get them from him that he would have a lawyer contact me. What?? Really??
I know he is lawyer-ed up and wondered if maybe I should not post that comment although I feel partners have the right to know about how I was treated.
I answered that I did not know if Doug Weiss had such a clause in his contract but if she tried to post a comment on his site or his facebook page that he has the authority and the right to monitor comments and choose which ones are allowed.
She also wrote:
There were women in his waiting room in complete shock telling me “He doesn’t get it”.
When I called to schedule my intensive I specifically told his wife what I wanted to work on during my intensive. However, when I got there they put us through his assembly line (what I call it when you have couples going from station to station doing the same thing).
To have spent all of that money just to have him not listen to me and tell those things (that I mentioned above) traumatized me even more. When I pointed out that Barbara Steffens states in her book that I have every right to ask for things that make me safe, his response was, ‘Well, I don’t agree with everything these authors write!”. He’s a complete fraud!!
This woman’s description of what happened to her is typical of the lack of acknowledgment of the partner’s trauma and the victim shaming that occurs in many of the sex addiction treatment centers.
Partners are told to ‘trust’ their husbands or partners even in light of years, sometimes decades of lying and deception. They are told to have sex with these men, potentially exposing them to STDs. They are told to not ask questions about the sexual behaviors as it might ‘shame’ the sex addict. Partners are told to ‘own’ their part of the problem, seek therapy and attend 12 step programs and they are told that any monitoring of the sex addict’s activities is proof of the partner’s ‘sickness’.
In my opinion sex addiction therapy and rehab programs do nothing more than enable the sex addict by giving him an excuse for his behavior (my addiction made me do it), give only lip service to accountability and gives them a sense of entitlement that is often used against their partners.
As I have said so many times here and on my other sites; this thing we call sex addiction is not an illness in itself but a trait or symptom of a personality disorder or other mental illness and should be treated professionally as such. Bogus treatment centers, 12 step groups and sex addiction therapy do nothing to fix this problem.