I just received an email from a partner of a sex addict. Her husband was arrested for soliciting sex from a minor and was charged with four felony charges. Here is her story.
You might want to grab some popcorn or a snack or a cold beverage. Because my story is a Netflix special.I received a knock on my door April 22,2021 I was sitting at my kitchen table eating alone at 7:45pm, because I couldn’t wait for my husband any more. He was about 2.5 hours late. I cannot say it shocked me, because he unfortunately had been late so many times, but to be that late without any sort of communication was a little odd, but like I said not shocking.
The knock at my door was my nephew, I just thought that he was coming to visit us. Needless to say I was WRONG! This poor man had to come to my door to tell me that he received a call from one his many police officer friends which he has because he is a township supervisor. The call was to let him know that his uncle, my HUSBAND, was arrested as part of an undercover investigation into sex trafficking ring.
My husband had to be in that township!
My phone rang as I was opening the door, I said oh wait that must be —–. He said “Aunt Beth – no he was arrested!”
I immediately thought I was going to throw up and kind of also immediately knew that my life was never going to be the same. I just kept asking what he was arrested for and he kept saying to sit down.. I said just tell me, and then I blurted out “prostitution”!!?? He said, “it is a lot worse than that!”
I literally grabbed my head with both hands and said how is that possible? Because in my world that was the most devastating thing I could think of.
He said he was arrested for solicitation of a minor! He said he was “trying to get with a 15 yr old” and then he said that he answered an ad for an underage BOY or GIRL!?? I was trying to process what he was saying but I could not. Because I literally
could not imagine him being with a minor. Sadly I could imagine him being with a prostitute.
My husband called me from the police station and said “ baby I made a HORRIBLE MISTAKE, but nothing happened” well no sh** nothing happened you were arrested because you were talking to an undercover police officer disguising herself as a 15 yr old. He swears that he did NOT answer an ad for an underage girl. He said that he answered an ad for 2 -22 yr olds! Well thank goodness for that, eases my mind-NOT.
He said that once he got there and texted she said I am busy but have someone else you can talk to or come in and see. He was in a hotel parking lot. He talked via text but then left. He went BACK THE NEXT DAY. I still do not know if he thought he was going back to see the 15 year old or the 22 yr olds, but regardless he did engage in conversation via text and telephone with the “15 yr old” he claims that he changed his mind and couldn’t do it; he never got out of his van to enter the hotel. He was pulling out of the hotel parking lot and he was surrounded by police cars and arrested.
When he called me from the police station I immediately asked him if he had a 2nd cell phone. He said, “Yes I did”. I knew that was the only way he could have been doing this, because I pay the cell phone bill and I was scouring the bills looking for ‘suspicious’ activity because he had been in what I thought was a horrible depression for approximately 2 years. I kept asking him, no begging him to tell me what was wrong or just talk to me about anything. I actually told him on several occasions “ there is not anything that you cannot tell me and that we cannot work through.” “If you are honest with me and come clean
then I can handle anything as long as I hear the truth from you.”
And I TRULY meant it ! I do not know too many wives who do that. I am not saying I am the only one, but I know I am amongst the few.
This man was not showering for sometimes 4 days, he was overeating and very much overweight and not at all taking care of himself, so the thought of him being with other women just didn’t really enter my mind.
Fast forwarding -believe it or not.. The next week, my friend who I could not muster up the courage to tell yet as of that point texted and asked if I was ok and if I needed her. I knew she knew and I asked how she knew and she said – THE NEWS!!!!! It had just been on the noon news! So that was that !!!!!
There was ZERO percent chance that my life would ever be the same. My phone and my daughters phone starting blowing up! Most reaching out because they were truly concerned, some were looking for the scoop. At this point my husband started playing the victim role, which he is still managing to maintain somewhat. He thinks that because he did not intend, nor did he engage in any sexual behavior with a minor that he is a victim of entrapment. But the charges against him are “attempted” so he is
guilty of those in my opinion and mostly everyone else’s. He is facing a long jail sentence. He has 4 felony charges.
He tried to come home the day after his arrest. I lost my mind and he did not enter the house, but instead got into his van crying and left. We are separated, but, unfortunately we cannot afford for him to rent a place due to all of the pending fines, the lawyer fees, etc. So he stays at his brothers house when he and his wife do not have their grandchildren and at our house the other time but sleeps in another bedroom. BUT trust me I know that it has given him HOPE and comfort that quite frankly he does not deserve.
You may wonder why I will not leave, it is because I am a “dog freak” my 2 dogs are literally my babies and we live on land and have a wooded trial behind our house. They have never had to be on leashes and run free. Now I can live with them having to get used to leashes etc, but I will not leave them with him. He does not take care of them like I do, and he works long hours.
The crazy part in my mind is that we were together all the time. I mean every single night and weekend. But of course I found out that he would act out during the day. He is self employed and so that was easy for him. He very often had someone with him working, buy he would literally leave and say he was going to Home Depot or somewhere for materials, but instead he was going to a massage parlor or getting oral sex.
I am on an emotional rollercoaster and still do not know what I am going to do. This was the short version of my story, but it’s a start. I look forward to finding support here
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Thanks for sharing your very difficult story, I know how hard it is. If you have not already, please get a copy of the police report and the arrest record, that is the only way you will know the truth about what happened. Sex addicts lie, that is a part of their disorder. I wish you all the best during this very difficult journey.
Here is a link to a post from years ago of things that sex addicts had told their partners when they were ‘found out’.