1 thought on “Ask JoAnn”

  1. My husband recently had a series of massive strokes. While he was in the hospital for over a month I discovered that he had been visiting prostitutes. I had long suspected there was something amiss, but had never even considered that it was as severe as it was.
    He’s now home and going to outpatient rehab for the stroke. He’s not driving, and he doesn’t go anywhere without me.
    I know that stress is very detrimental to his recovery. I waited till he had been home almost a month before i even told him that I knew what was going on. I knew he was in no condition to fully deal with this issue at the time. But, I couldn’t keep pretending I didn’t know.
    I simply asked him if he was planning to continue what he had been doing. He played dumb and tried denying it, but I told him he couldn’t gaslight me any more and that I knew he’d been seeing hookers.
    He ended up admitting that he was a sex addict and t he agreed that once he was further along in his stroke recovery he would address the addiction.
    This was about a month ago.
    I have seen that his progress has slowed since he learned that I know. Added to this stress are issues with his job (he can’t yet return to work) and worrying about our financial security. He says he doesn’t have the mental strength to deal with this right now. I don’t think he’s lying. But, I don’t think I can continue to wait to start addressing this.
    I’m losing my ability to contain my worry. I’m seeing signs that make me doubt he’ll be willing to follow through on treatment for the addiction. I’ve been reading a great deal and everything makes it clear that recovery is very difficult even when the addict is fully committed to making it work.
    This has been the hardest time of my life. I love my husband dearly. I believe him when he says he loves me. But, I can’t continue to go through all this without some kind of clue that we have a future together. My continued worrying and bouts of tears aren’t helping his recovery at all.
    I really don’t know what to do at this point.
    Thank you for listening.

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