Written by What Partners Say-Sisterhood of Support In this new weekly series, ‘What Partners Say’ I have gleaned the best of the best testimonials from the private forums of what partners say about sex addiction and the support they get from the Sisterhood. These are all anonymous and any personal information has been removed. Some of the comments may have been combined or edited, but all are real words from real women who are partners of sex addicts. This … Continue reading “What Partners Say About Sex Addiction and Support”
In this new weekly series, ‘What Partners Say’ I have gleaned the best of the best wisdom from the private forums of what partners say about sex addiction.
One of the first reactions of women who discover that their husband or partner is a sex addict is to get him into sex addiction therapy. But, does that therapy really work?
Why does a man choose hookers over his family? Why didn’t we see this major flaw in our husbands? Why do we stay and have nervous breakdowns when we find out? Why do therapists push us towards acknowledging our part? Why are we triggered? Why can’t we just walk out the door and never look back? Why do we seek help for them? Why do they blame us? Why do our friends and family want us to just get over it? Why did this man who watched me deliver our daughter/son leave the hospital and seek out a prostitue? And the winner is “why can’t they be helped?”
It is time to publicly rate your therapist. Somehow, some way the ‘do no harm’ philosophy has been lost on CSATs and therapists who counsel sex addicts and their partners. I hear story after story after story of blame shifting, name calling and outright deception and lying about the therapists undisclosed addictions. It is time to expose these charlatans and hold them accountable. Partners are encouraged to accept the sex addict’s bad behaviors and slips, engage … Continue reading “Rate Your Therapist”
This article, by Dr. Minwalla echoes what we, at the Sisterhood, have been saying for years. Dr. Omar Minwalla is the only professional who really seems to understand the complexity and scope of this thing we call ‘sex addiction’. This article is so important it should be posted on every Partner’s refrigerator and bathroom mirror. Please read it daily. The focus of traditional sex addiction-compulsivity treatment models tends to be on diagnosing and stopping specific … Continue reading “‘Sexual Sobriety’ Leaves Victims Untreated by Dr. Minwalla”
Before you agree to hire a therapist be sure to ask them 10 questions. Why? Because partners often endure further trauma by therapists who want to call us names such as co-dependent, co-addict or co-sex addict. Many therapists claim to use the ‘trauma model’ but want the Partners to share in the blame, commit to staying with the sex addict for a year before making any decisions and encourage increased sexual intimacy without recommending STD … Continue reading “10 Questions to Ask Your Therapist”
What Every Partner Needs To Know As the Partner or wife of a sex addict you are of the utmost importance here in The Sisterhood. Your needs and the needs of any minor children are our top priority. We focus on you and what you need to heal. The very first thing that any Partner or wife must do upon Discovery is to get a full panel of STD tests. Your very life depends upon it. ALL … Continue reading “What Every Partner Needs To Know”
Written by a Sister who wishes to remain anonymous… “The heart wants what it wants – or else it does not care.” No, that was not Woody Allen, (although he did quote an obscene version of it as a way to justify running off with his adopted daughter). It was Emily Dickinson, my favorite poet. She also wrote in the same letter to Mrs. Samuel Bowles in 1882, “We won’t break, Mary. We look very … Continue reading “Written by a Sister”
We have had some interesting discussions in the Sisterhood forums as to whether or not women can find happiness after discovering that they are in a relationship with a sex addict and if their marriage can be better than ever. The phrase that 12 steppers, therapists and Intensive Therapy programs pitch is the ‘Your marriage can be better than ever’ after discovery and therapy. Is that possible? Sure, but not they way they promise. First, … Continue reading “Is There Really a ‘Better Than Ever’ After Discovery?”
As you know from my previous post I am working on some audio tapes to help you relax and feel good about yourselves during this stressful time after Discovery and while trying to make those difficult decisions. Well, if you add the holidays to the mix and we are all basket cases. Here is a short tape I have made just for you, my Sisters. This short 12 minute audio tape has my voice repeating various phrases … Continue reading “A Relaxation Gift for My Sisters”
The news coverage of Ray Rice brutally beating his fiancee unconscious has brought back a flood of memories for me. I was a teen in the 60’s and fought long and hard, alongside other courageous women, to win basic rights. Our right to be treated at least as well as animals does not seem to apply to celebrities who can beat a woman to a pulp and get a mere slap on the hand. In the … Continue reading “Abuse is Abuse is Abuse”